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Fusion4Future

[ website | KnowBetter.com ]
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[ archive | journal archive ]

I Landed A Tour! [Dec. 15th, 2003|04:25 pm]
Fusion4Future
[mood |jubilantjubilant]
[music |"Walking On Sunshine" by Katrina And The Waves]

OK....I'm INCREDIBLY stoked....I landed a tour!

I'll be stage managing "Wizard of Oz" for a tour company out of Pennsylvania. I have to be there around February 7th, rehearsals start the 8th, we head out on the 14th. Places we'll be hitting include: Missouri, Illinois, Colorado, Kansas, Oregon, California and Idaho (among others).

This is an amazing opportunity for me. And I can't wait to keep my journal up from the road!

Yay me!!!!!!
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At Long Last....A Ray Of Light [Dec. 11th, 2003|11:49 pm]
Fusion4Future
[mood |excitedexcited]
[music |"Dreams" by Van Halen]

Woohoo!

Got a call on Wednesday night (that I missed) from the Production Manager of a job I applied for a few weeks back, which would be a tour. I called her back this morning, and got what seemed like a formality-type interview. You know the kinds of questions: what three words describe your work ethic, what's your best theatre experience, your worst theatre experience, etc.. She said she'd call some of my references and give me a call in a couple of days.

Even if I don't get the gig (which is from Feb - May), I'm just glad that FINALLY someone saw my theatre resume and thought I was good enough to at least interview. I have a good feeling about this one, but we'll have to wait and see. The food stipend is good, they pay for my hotels on the road and the salary for this single gay stage manager will definitely take care of my bills.

Keep your fingers crossed!
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Oh The Weather Outside Is...Well, Nice, Actually [Dec. 10th, 2003|09:12 am]
Fusion4Future
[mood |mellowmellow]
[music |"Little Things Of Venom" by Arid]

We've had a bit of a cool-down in the weather here lately, much to my happiness. Makes it easier for me to sleep. I function sooooo lousy in hot weather.

Heard back from the Utah Shakespeare Festival that they have my application and will contact me if they wish an interview. Same thing with a couple of other things I applied to.

Mom's pushing me to try and get any kind of job to hold me until a stage manager gig comes in. She's mentioned hospital office staff, working in a drug store, etc. That just ISN'T what I thought was going to happen when I moved back.

Started the liquidation of whatever we had left of LadyJaneDesigns.com. Still a lot of items to move, and I'm hoping to get rid of most of it quickly. It sure sucks closing down a business when it's your own. I don't know that I would have felt the same if I had closed down a Blockbuster. :)

Went looking yesterday at wireless routers. I'd love to be able to sit out on my parent's back porch and have a pipe and work on stuff on the 'Net, especially when the weather is like this. However, it looks like i'm going to have to wait. Don't think I can really justify the spending of $100 right now, and my mom makes little comments if I come home with anything ("Are you sure that's what you should be spending your money on while you're unemployed?").

Actually took some time to write a review for KnowBetter.com. I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed writing, as I seem to do so little of it these days. Maybe something I should do a lot more.
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Job Opps? Errrr.....no... [Dec. 5th, 2003|09:57 am]
Fusion4Future
[mood |depresseddepressed]
[music |"Round Here" by Counting Crows]

So where does a guy with a BA in literature, 15 years of retail experience, 8 years of management and a former Channel Sales manager for a software company go to get work? Here's what my lovely opportunities were yesterday:

1. Wal-Mart: Trying to get at least a cashier position.
2. Local coffee shop: And I had to do an ESSAY QUESTION as part of the five-page application.
3. Dollar Tree: Where everything is a dollar, including your wages...

Absolutely no responses to the 43 other resumes/apps I've put out there. The money is rapidly running out, and I can forget about buying Christmas presents.

I have my BofA credit card setup to automatically take out the minimum payment each month. Well, this month they added the yearly fee, which caused me to go $8 over my limit. Because I went over my limit, they added a $32.00 fee to the account. Now, instead of my usual $50 payment, it's going to be $112 to ensure that I don't go over my limit at next billing (their words).

My cell phone bill is usually around $59. This month? $112. When I called, it seems that whoever changed my number from CA to FL didn't move over any of my calling plans (i.e.: unlimited nights and weekends...200 bonus minutes). After an hour and a half on hold, I finally got them to fix it and give me the credit back.

I have a "friend" that called me a few weeks back to cry on my shoulder for 45 minutes about how he loved this guy, didn't know how he could live without him, how this guy pulled him back from the brink of suicide, etc. I kept telling him to tell the guy how he felt, but he kept saying things like "I don't know that I could live if he said he didn't love me" and stuff like that. 45 minutes of this. Two days later, he calls me and leaves a amessage that he called the guy and the guy wants to marry him and so on. Two days later, he's calling and leaving messages sounding all depressed, and that he really needs a friend and where am I and will I ever call him back. You know what? How about asking how **I'M** doing. I'm extremely depressed, unemployed and living with my parents. I don't hear you calling to be MY shoulder.

Gods I miss my meds. And my own space that doesn't involve fighting with my mother or listening to my parents bicker at each other all the damn time.
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Everybody Hurts...Sometime..... [Dec. 1st, 2003|12:22 am]
Fusion4Future
[mood |depresseddepressed]
[music |"Everybody Hurts" by R.E.M.]

OK, weeks of being up are taking their toll on me, and I'm slipping back into one of my depressive states again.....

How is that a former four-year Waldenbooks manager with 15 years of retail experience can apply to four different bookstores for a bookseller position and not get hired at any of them? I went back and talked to the store mgmt. at the stores I applied to and they all told me they've done all their hiring.

I've sent out a LOT of stage manager applications/resumes. I decided to be proactive and join the Stage Manager Association so I can get notified more quickly about open positions; same thing with Backstagejobs.com. I've gotten one rejection letter and haven't heard anything else. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that SOMETHING will break for me soon.

I HATE LIVING WITH MY PARENTS! There, I've said it. It's not that I don't love them, but my mother's negativity makes me look like Sister Mary Sunshine. I'm trying not to let it get to me, but geeeeeez....every day is another battle to maintain a positive attitude. I have absolutely no privacy, I'm running all their errands for them, have virtually no personal time/life...this is not how I expected to be living my life at 31. Back in with the parents and life just like it was in high school.

The few dates I've had have been shitty beyond belief, resulting in no second ones. I know there have to be some decent guys out there.

I am rapidly reaching brokeness. I've only got a small amount of money left in my ETrade account, with absolutely no income coming in. I'm scared to death about running completely out of money. I've been there before, and REALLY don't want to be there again.

LadyJaneDesigns.com will be dead shortly after the first of the year. I have no money left to sink into it, and the sales have just been awful. It kills me to let it go, but my mother is vehemently against keeping it running (not that she had to do all that much with it) and I certainly can't afford to keep it going.

Oh yeah, no sex. In more than two years.

I'm just frustrated. I keep trying to make changes that I think are going to better my life and they keep blowing up in my face. I'm getting to the point now that I'm paranoid about making any major decisions. I need my freedom and space and don't see that happening anytime soon. I need cashflow and that isn't happening. I need to get plowed like the back 40 acres of a farm and THAT isn't happening. I need a cuddle. I need someone to hold me and tell me it's all going to be ok. I need a cheerleader besides myself. I need to be back on my Paxil since my social-anxiety is starting to rear its ugly head again.

What I need is a FRIGGIN BREAK and for everything karmaic to flow some positive chi my way. Or something.

**sigh** I need my life in the SF Bay area back. At least the weather got chilly here, but it made me homesick. I really wanted to be curled up in front of a fireplace or at a Starbucks or something. No such luck.

Is it just coincidence that my favorite I'm-depressed-song, "Everybody Hurts" came on tonight?

OK, Universe....I know you've got something good out there for me...throw me a frickin' bone, ok?
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My Ass Is Gone... [Nov. 10th, 2003|09:44 pm]
Fusion4Future
...cuz I laughed it off watching "Finding Nemo" tonight. Ye GODS what a hysterical movie! Definitely not a kids film, and most of the jokes only an adult would get. I'll never be able to look at seagulls again without hearing "mine mine mine mine." Ellen DeGeneres is sooo damn funny!
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Will Everyone PLEASE Stop Yelling? [Nov. 9th, 2003|03:18 am]
Fusion4Future
[mood |distresseddistressed]
[music |"Everything Event" by Appleton]

My parents got into a huge fight today. The tough part about living with them is there's nowhere to run, really. I did manage to escape to Orlando to hang out with Lee, and we had some fun checking out some model homes in a new area, then had dinner with a friend of his. I still had to come home though, but things seem quieter here. I have a feeling that if Mom could divorce Dad she would. Man, I hate to think about stuff like that.

Lady Jane Designs is closing. I just can't continue to sink the money into it like I have been. We'll sell through December 31st, and then that's it. Sigh. That really doesn't leave me with anything now. What do I do? Where do I go? I'm kind of back where I started. Grrr.
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Thunder....Eeek! [Nov. 5th, 2003|02:04 pm]
Fusion4Future
[mood |cheerfulcheerful]
[music |Whatever weird crap is playing at the coffee house]

It's kind of weird. We get tons of rain in the San Francisco area during the winter months, but we never really get thunder and lightning. I got woken up this morning by a huge crash of thunder directly over the house here in Florida. Eeeeek! I hate thunder and lightning!

It looks like a huge order that we had lined up for 12 of our jars fell through. I'm kind of bummed...I was hoping for a large sale to help boost the profits along. However, on the bright side, someone emailed me today about getting 2 dozen tealight holders for a baby shower, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it comes through.

Sitting in my favorite coffee house on my laptop again today. Boy, I love working from here. Gives me a chance to get out of the house and contemplate...well....ok, nothing really but it does give me some peace and quiet! :)
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Weekend Recap [Nov. 4th, 2003|08:12 am]
Fusion4Future
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[music |Music from Arid & Lunascape from the movie "Haunted Castle"]

OK...what a great time was had by ME this weekend!

Drove up to Ellijay, GA for my friend Laura's 40th birthday. I met her right around the same time as badjahsensei, so that's roughly 12 years ago. She lives in a really beautiful woodsy area (which would normally make me horny as a mofo), and the party was held at her friend's house, who had this huge wraparound porch on a large cabin near the top of a mountain. STUNNING view. Most of those in attendance were lesbians, so it was pretty funny being one of about three guys there. Her friends are really sweet, and I'm glad to see she has a strong support group up there. Had a great time.

Sunday I drove back down towards Atlanta, and visited with my friend Lisa and her husband Thomas. Lisa's due to give birth in about eight weeks, and just looks WONDERFUL! I have no doubt she's going to be a great mom. I met her husband about two years ago at their wedding, but hadn't really gotten the chance to get to know him. He is SUCH a nice guy! Very funny, very open-minded and very attentive and loving towards Lisa. He's even a bear-type. Alas, he has no twin gay brother. Why are the good ones always either straight or taken? :) :) But I loved my visit with them and I hope to get back up there again.

I'd love to move in with Laura for a week up in Elijay. The job search thing isn't going well here in Central Florida, and I need to get an income going here soon. Maybe Atlanta would be a better market?

This week's shaping up to be pretty quiet. I've got some errands to run for the folks, but otherwise not much on the schedule. Time to knock over a couple of liquor stores....

f4f
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Happy Halloween, Motherf**ker!!!!! [Oct. 31st, 2003|12:44 am]
Fusion4Future
[mood |giddygiddy]
[music |"Walking On Sunshine" by Katrina And The Waves]

Ah, it's that time of year again when the leaves turn red, the kids come knocking on the front door looking for free shit and I get to bury the little munchkins in a shallow grave in the woods. Gads, how I love Halloween!

I'm actually planning a pretty mellow Halloween this year. My friend Lee invited me to someone's Halloween party, but you know how awkward that can be. You don't really know the guy, and you show up at his home. 2 hours later you're intoxicated and throwing up in his ferns, and he's trying to find the asshole that brought you so he can punch his lights out. Or, he finds you sleeping with his cat, dog or boyfriend. Not pretty.

Nope, this year will be spent with the folks, prolly watching some telly. Fun, ain't it? I have to leave butt-crack early on Saturday to head up to Atlanta to my friend's birthday party. I'm also going to spend some time with another friend who is pregnant and who I haven't seen in some time. Totally looking forward to the trip. Need a bit of change of scenery, and at least that's two friends who genuinely want to hang out with me and will still get presents anyway. Who could ask for anything more?

Hard to believe that I've been back in Florida for almost a month already. The newness and fun with my parents has certainly worn off. I'm doing a bit of squabbling with my mother as of late, and found myself desperately wanting to move in with my buddy Lee in Orlando. I NEED MY OWN PLACE AGAIN! I've promised myself I'll have it before the year is out.

Our business (http://www.ladyjanedesigns.com) has really been ramping up for the holidays. I'm really glad to see the business coming in. I love having my own biz, but I need it to be a lot more profitable so I can continue doing it into next year.

My parents told me I could invite a few friends to Thanksgiving dinner. I thought that was pretty cool. We don't usually have a big crowd for Thanksgiving. Lee's coming, but that's prolly about it. OK, so it'll be four instead of three...I'll still get plenty of turkey!

Necronomicon was....ummm....interesting. Who knew there were so many hot geeks in the world? Woofta. Need to hang out at these things more often.
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